113 Days Left to Go - Disappointment and Motivation

One thing crossed my mind as I was drifting to sleep.. "What would Seth (my personal trainer when I originally lost a lot of my weight) think of me if he saw me now?"

There was one thing back in the day that kept me motivated, and that was the thought of never wanting to disappoint him. To this day, I feel like I let him down, my family, my friends, but especially myself.

Change does not happen instantly. It takes time and a lot of effort. One thing I want to try and do is to lose the weight without having a gym membership..

I will update again when I start exercising..

115 Days Left to Go - A Second Opinion on My Mid Twenties

My friend, that I am going to name Levi, has enlightened me about a more realistic view on my goals and blog. I guess I need to be a little bit more clear on what these goals really are and what I am hoping to accomplish. What I ultimately want to change are my bad habits. There are some things that I do that are having a negative impact on my health, life, and well being.

One thing that Levi mentioned was that if I go cold turkey on some of the things I used to do, I would eventually break and over indulge when I do it again. Levi suggests things in moderation. An example of that would be "No Unhealthy Food!", but one day I tell myself that I have been good and healthy and have been craving Chinese Food. I then go to a buffet and literally eat my heart out...

Another thing that Levi also told me was accountability. I need some support in finding the few that will hold me accountable to these goals. I honestly have not been doing a good job visiting home, and have yet to start to work out since making this blog. My diet was pretty good at one point, but has fallen since. It would be great to have some help from people holding me accountable for my goals.

So what now?

Well, short term to-do list/goals:

• Clean Apartment
• Visit Mom
• Save Money

118 Days Left to Go - CDM, CFPP

I finally found what I can start working towards. My new director sent me and email and beside his name were these two acronyms. CDM and CFPP. I was curious and googled those acronyms and discovered there were some certifications that he had, which must've helped him become where he is today.

CDM stands for Certified Dietary Manager

CFPP stands for Certified Food Protection Professional

It looks like I qualify to take the certification exam and have an option to join the ANFP - Assocication of Nutrition and Food Service Professionals.

I'm going to go to the book store and check online to see if there is some study material that I could use and then get my certification.

Sincerely,

Dennis Ha, CDM, CFPP

123 Days Left to Go - Good-bye Lukas Chase Harris!

Nyko is picking up his cat today. I am very excited.. but that also means I better get all of Harvey's cat toys before someone comes and takes them all.. oh and hide the cat food too. Knowing this information ahead of time will give me ample amount of time to prepare for anything that could happen. Gosh I wish I could've change the locks when I had the chance.

On a good note, I clean my entire apartment, except for the dishes. Still need to get those done. Let's just say that I have discovered... hundreds..and hundreds of gnats/fruit flies living in my kitchen... sigh.. I know I need to do better, but I still blame someone for the mess to begin with.

Jason's coming over today to meet Harvey and to go out for brunch like we always do. This Thursday, Jeana, Phillip, Jason and I will be going to play Bingo! I haven't played Bingo in forever!

Work has been great, I have had a few forgetful times, but I am still striving to do better. I need to remember to do more test trays..!

Lastly, I finished the time capsule with my best friends Ezzy and Sonja. We put a buncha stuff in there, and we are going to open that sucker up when we're all 30. (Winter 2019)

I hope everyone has a good day and we shall see what happens when Nyko picks up his cat.

128 Days Left to Go - & I Feel Like I'm Back to Square One

-Start Rant-

What the hell am I doing with my life right now?

Let's begin with work: I feel like I'm doing a half-ass job at the thing I love to do. I need to realize that I am so fortunate to have a job, but I also need to realize that I can do better. The employees there are lovely, but what I know is that things are not getting done, and I need to hold them accountable, because if I do not hold them accountable, it will be my behind on the line, and my ass is too big to be placed on a skinny ass line.

Finances: I have no savings anymore. I would like to blame Nyko, but I know that's not the case. I have been carelessly spending and I need to make a budget and stick to it. I need to also make sure I set aside some money into my savings account and into my debt.

My home is not my oasis right now: Filth. I live in utter filth. I have gnats everywhere. I have such a long cleaning list to do that is not getting done. I declare Wednesday after work my cleaning day because I would like to have friends over and not be embarrassed. I had someone over the other day and I was so ashamed of my living conditions. It looked like someone vomit all over the place and didn't bother cleaning it up. I used to live in such a nice place until Nyko arrived.. sigh, which reminds me I need to place all of his stuff in the storage unit when I get a chance. Wednesday, right, Wednesday.

Karaokilling: I need to stop going to Karaoke again. I am spending way too much time there and it's very unhealthy. I know that I have made some great people there, but the truth of the matter is, they really don't know me.. Some don't even know my real name. 

Friends & Family: I'm doing a lot better at keeping up with my family now. I have seen them more in the past two weeks than in the past two months. I got to catch up with Sonja and Scott last night, and they are doing well. Sonja just finished summer school, but she's about to go back to school which means that she will once again be unavailable like everyday. That and her curfew is at 9PM doesn't help, but I mean she has to eat sometime during the day, might as well try and meet me for lunch. Ezzy is also going back to school in Tyler this Monday, which means I won't be able to see her much either. The rest of my friends I usually see once a month or two, which I perfectly fine with.

Relationships & Dating: So I really liked this one guy, but we ended up turning into friends, which I am perfectly fine with because I always have known that good friends are hard to come by. Tonight I also started missing someone.. I keep remembering "the good ol' times" and it makes me sad. Then later this evening I added someone I haven't seen in over a year on Facebook, we shall see how this will play out. Lastly, as you can see, I am just not ready for a relationship. I have some work to be done on myself, although it would be a lot better if I had some support along the way.

I would also like to mention, my friend Kristin Idlebird is currently in Hospice Care right now and they have said that she is not going to make it. I miss her dearly.. the way she used to be. She taught me so much about being yourself, loving yourself, being free, knowing what is right and wrong, but also doing what is right and wrong. She is a kind hearted soul that is going to be missed immensely. Please have her in your prayers..

Good night.

-End Rant- 

133 Days Left to Go - Progress and Mentality

Last Monday, I got to catch up with one of my best friends Raymond. We talked about what has been happening with our lives and what we are currently doing. He's been doing well, got promoted/transferred to the cheese department at Central Market, starting school in a few weeks, and is planning to move out. I'm so proud of him and excited to see where life will take him. I worry though if he will be happy, but I'm sure he will make it so.

He gave me some great advice on my blog and goals. He feels that I say a lot of things, but in doing so, I can easily go back on my own word, because who would hold me accountable. Take for example, my goal in seeing my parents more. What I say is I want to see them once a week, however that might not be very plausible. Realistically, I can see them once every two weeks for sure. I should also let them know about my intentions that way I have someone who can hold me accountable for my goals. I also mentioned to him that I want to make it so that I don't have to think about. I want to be able to go see my parents almost automatically instead of making myself do so.

So I will be taking a nice small vacation to Napa Valley, California in September for my other best friend, Aurora's Birthday. Four night and five days, how exciting. I haven't seen her in quite some time and I absolutely miss her. I realize how much she has helped me grow when she was in Houston.

Tonight some friends and I went to dine at 17, a restaurant in the Sam Houston Hotel, formerly the Alden. The food was good, small portions, and a bit overly priced, but it was the conversations with my friends that I enjoyed about this evening. I'm glad my friends from different points in my life could meet and get along so well.

Next on my agenda for my short term goals for this week:

• Take Harvey to the Vet
• Re-sign up for 24 Hour Fitness
• Visit my parents sometime this week.
• Go watch Percy Jackson - Sea of Monsters w/ Katie.

To everyone, I wish you a good week full of laughter, love, and spontaneous events.

139 Days Left to Go - My Apartment Complex vs. Harvey/Lukas

So I return home to find the apartment complex that I live in is doing an inspection this Thursday. I have no idea what they will be look at or why they have the need to do so, but one thing that has changed since I signed the lease is my kitty cat and my newly adopted cat. I did not let them know I have a pet, nor do I plan on telling them because of their high cost pet deposit. This is where I need to find someone or someplace where I can go hide my cats.

Let's look at my options:

• Parents' House: Most likely so, but I don't want the cats to tear anything up, although I can stuff them in one room with food and a litter box just until after the inspection and voila!
• Animal Kennel: This will cost money. This will also do the trick.
• Friends' Place: I could somehow find someone to house my pets for a short amount of time. Problem is, I don't know anyone that can do that.

It looks like I figured it out. I need to hide all the cat toys and anything pet related and clean my kitchen. I am going to have to drop off the cats at my parents' place early Thursday morning and make sure to clean up the place on Wednesday.

I'm sure I'll let you all know what happens next week, just make sure you cross your fingers for me.

(speaking of cats, one of them is clawing my work shoes, while the other one has a phobia of shoes....)

140 Days Left to Go - Meet and Greet.

Last night I met a fellow at a gay pool tournament. I don't recall his name, but something interesting happened. We sat down with each other at a random table after I finished losing and we started talking. What we did for a career, school, education, life, family, hobbies, and I have learned (and have I really learned) not to get ahead of myself. Perhaps I met a new friend, but I'm not going to lie.. There was a little spark in our eyes. (& if you're wondering, no I was not drunk. I only had one beer.)

I got to sing four new songs at karaoke today.

• Red Solo Cup - Keith Urban
• Feeling Good - Michael Buble
• Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons
• If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys

Tonight, I am returning to my Thursday Gay Coffee Meet Up Group, and hoping to meet new people and see my old friends again that I have not seen in quite some time. (I ended up passing out at 4pm and waking up at 7am the next morning... the Meet Up was at 7pm!)

I would like to also add that yesterday evening I surprised my parents by coming to visit them and had dinner with them. My mom has seen the change in my appearance, which makes me happy. I caught up with my dad and he gave me some great advice. I am hoping to see them more and more each week.