What the hell am I doing with my life right now?
Let's begin with work: I feel like I'm doing a half-ass job at the thing I love to do. I need to realize that I am so fortunate to have a job, but I also need to realize that I can do better. The employees there are lovely, but what I know is that things are not getting done, and I need to hold them accountable, because if I do not hold them accountable, it will be my behind on the line, and my ass is too big to be placed on a skinny ass line.
Finances: I have no savings anymore. I would like to blame Nyko, but I know that's not the case. I have been carelessly spending and I need to make a budget and stick to it. I need to also make sure I set aside some money into my savings account and into my debt.
My home is not my oasis right now: Filth. I live in utter filth. I have gnats everywhere. I have such a long cleaning list to do that is not getting done. I declare Wednesday after work my cleaning day because I would like to have friends over and not be embarrassed. I had someone over the other day and I was so ashamed of my living conditions. It looked like someone vomit all over the place and didn't bother cleaning it up. I used to live in such a nice place until Nyko arrived.. sigh, which reminds me I need to place all of his stuff in the storage unit when I get a chance. Wednesday, right, Wednesday.
Karaokilling: I need to stop going to Karaoke again. I am spending way too much time there and it's very unhealthy. I know that I have made some great people there, but the truth of the matter is, they really don't know me.. Some don't even know my real name.
Friends & Family: I'm doing a lot better at keeping up with my family now. I have seen them more in the past two weeks than in the past two months. I got to catch up with Sonja and Scott last night, and they are doing well. Sonja just finished summer school, but she's about to go back to school which means that she will once again be unavailable like everyday. That and her curfew is at 9PM doesn't help, but I mean she has to eat sometime during the day, might as well try and meet me for lunch. Ezzy is also going back to school in Tyler this Monday, which means I won't be able to see her much either. The rest of my friends I usually see once a month or two, which I perfectly fine with.
Relationships & Dating: So I really liked this one guy, but we ended up turning into friends, which I am perfectly fine with because I always have known that good friends are hard to come by. Tonight I also started missing someone.. I keep remembering "the good ol' times" and it makes me sad. Then later this evening I added someone I haven't seen in over a year on Facebook, we shall see how this will play out. Lastly, as you can see, I am just not ready for a relationship. I have some work to be done on myself, although it would be a lot better if I had some support along the way.
I would also like to mention, my friend Kristin Idlebird is currently in Hospice Care right now and they have said that she is not going to make it. I miss her dearly.. the way she used to be. She taught me so much about being yourself, loving yourself, being free, knowing what is right and wrong, but also doing what is right and wrong. She is a kind hearted soul that is going to be missed immensely. Please have her in your prayers..
Good night.
-End Rant-
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